pure joy

I confess.  I think this is the most challenging season I've experienced as a mother.  Three little people.  Different personalities, different learning styles, different stages, different needs, and everyone has needs.  Lots of needs.  And I still have needs!  :)

When Graham and Reece were in school, I could always look forward to Millie's naptime for refreshment.  A cup of coffee. Chores done in silence, or maybe while listening to an encouraging podcast.  A few minutes in the scriptures.  Quiet.  Sweet silence.  As rare as these moments were before, they are now close to non-existent.  This is due, in part, to the ages of our children.  It is also due {mostly} to the fact that the bulk of Graham's schooling must be done during Millie's naptime, to lessen the distractions for both of us.

Another thing-homeschooling is HARD. I see other mothers paint this picture of one big blissfully happy family...reading classic literature together, planting gardens together, laughing together, baking bread together (with freshly-milled, organic wheat, of course).  This picture is not our reality in any way.  I am daily dying to myself.  My selfish desires to surf online for a few minutes, eat a bite of chocolate without anyone knowing and begging for some (that wrapper can be heard for miles!), or just to enjoy having an uninterrupted thought, or a bathroom break-alone...this is not my reality in this season.  A season...this is a season!  Then the mom guilt....this is such a short season!  I need to enjoy this, take more pictures!   write that cute saying down!  smile and laugh with my children more!  get in the floor and play more!  teach them God's word more!  and on. and on. and on.  Throw in some kid attitude and I might. just. lose. it.  (oh wait, i have-lost it!)  ugh.  It's been a rough week.

Lately the enemy's whispers have turned into accusations, filling my heart with guilt and shame for everything I don't do.  So, to combat these lies...I'm putting on the armor of God, fighting these lies with the  sword of the spirit (GOD's word).   (Ephesians 6:10-18) So here I go:

GOD has ordained me to be the mother to these children.  All of their days were planned and ordained by GOD before one of them came to be!  (Psalm 139:16)

GOD made each child with a special purpose.  GOD'S ways are not my ways, they are higher than mine.  When I turn to the LORD he will have mercy on me.

GOD has plans to prosper me and not to harm me (or them), plans to give us hope and a future!  When we seek him with all our hearts, we will find Him!  He is right here!  (Jeremiah 29:11-12) 

This is spiritual battle, a war waged by the enemy for our hearts and the hearts of our children.  But I do not need to fear!  I will be still and watch the LORD rescue us.  Be still!  The Lord himself will fight for us.  BE CALM.  (Exodus 14)

Contentment, strength and courage can be mine because GOD has promised to never leave me or forsake me!  (Hebrews 13:5, Deuteronomy 31:6) 

When I feel like freaking out, ready to give up, I will choose to TRUST GOD.  When I trust God steadfastly, He will keep me in perfect peace (even when my house is noisy chaos!)  :)  (Isaiah 26)
  
As I live in God, my love will grow more perfect for Dan and our children.  Fear and love cannot co-exist.  Where God's love is, fear is gone.  LIVE IN GOD.  ABIDE IN GOD.  GOD IS LOVE.  (I John 4:16-19)

If I do nothing but love my children and teach them God's word, I've done well.  God's word will never return empty.  It will accomplish what HE desires, and achieve His purposes.  (Isaiah 55)

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² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

 ⁹ Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position.¹⁰ But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹ For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

 ¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

 ¹³ When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; ¹⁴ but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. ¹⁵ Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

 ¹⁶ Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ¹⁸ He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

{sigh}  Thank you, Lord.